I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
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The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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