If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize