I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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