How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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