The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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