I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
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Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
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Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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