if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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