The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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