He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
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So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
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I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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