I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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