I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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