Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
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I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
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The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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