You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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