All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
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if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
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She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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