i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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