DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize