I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize