Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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