you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
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When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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