TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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