There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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