The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
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That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
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Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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