just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
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I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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