i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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