he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i've created a new STD.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize