It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
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She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
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And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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