So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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