But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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