i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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