Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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