It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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