Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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