you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
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Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
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I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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