FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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