If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
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I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
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If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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