I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
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I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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