hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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