Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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