I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
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I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
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I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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