Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
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Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
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Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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