Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i think i have herpe
just one?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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