My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
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You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
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by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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