they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize