When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize