when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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