Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize