Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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