The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize