and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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