booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
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It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
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As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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